I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He better not be in your backpack
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
