i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
