New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
