My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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