You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
