Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
