Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
