apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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