Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i've created a new STD.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
