Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
third nipple confirmed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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