oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
