My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
