she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol