Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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