yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
