That's when you crack a 10am beer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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