He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
