Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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