I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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