By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
