dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
