I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
