Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i think i have herpe
just one?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
