It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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