apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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