I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
