I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
