I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
