Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
