He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
