I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
