exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
