My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I will pee on everything he values.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
