I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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