Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
