Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
