A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
