Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
