well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you had me at cake vodka
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
