I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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