I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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