It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
