he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
