hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I party with great urgency now.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
