kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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