We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
