look no pants
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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