How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
