Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
