Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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