I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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