My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize