Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
