Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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