I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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