apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
