Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
