i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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