dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
