I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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