the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
