let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
