if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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