Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
