On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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