Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As shirtless as possible
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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