Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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